Why Becoming Superbold Is The Key For Unlocking Your Best Life

Sara Nay (00:00): This episode of the agency, spark podcast is brought to you by monday.com, a powerful project management platform. I personally am a big user and fan of monday.com and spend most of my day working within their platform. Learn more about how to set your team up for success@ducttape.me slash Monday.

Sara Nay (00:25): Welcome to the agency spark podcast. This is your host, Sarah nay, and I have challenged my guests to come prepared with impactful, actionable insights they can share in just about 10 minutes. So you can walk away, take action and give back to your busy day. Today. I have Fred joy, an entrepreneur speaker business advisor, and number one, Amazon bestselling author. He co-founded the most successful dentist referral service in the country. 1-800-DENTIST, which in his 30 years as CEO generated over 1 billion in revenue. Fred started as an extremely shy person, two timid even to make a phone call and transformed himself into someone who has done standup and improv comedy spoken to audiences of 5,000 or more met dozens of celebrities. And just by being bold, found love, joy, passion, and success. So welcome to show Fred.

Fred Joyal (01:19): I'm excited to be here at Sarah and talk to your people

Sara Nay (01:22): I am excited for you to be here, and I really wanna dive into one key topic and see where it goes from there to start. And so I know you've written a book called super bold and essentially what you help people do there is not only become bold, but super bold. within about 90 days as I understand. So to get us started, I really wanna hear about why should someone want to become super bold?

Fred Joyal (01:47): Uh, the, the reason is because there are situations that come up where you may be confident in several aspects of your life. And then when it's really important, that's when we clam up. That's when we hesitate. That's when we miss opportunity these and we miss what could be a pivotal moment in our lives or a powerful and important moment in our lives. It could be that that very important lecture you have to give or a presentation, or it could be something as personal as giving a eulogy to a parent or a close friend. You don't want to be somebody who says, oh, I, I don't like speaking in public or I'm, I'm too nervous to do it or whatever you you'll, you get one chance on a lot of things in life. What super is your ability? No matter how nervous or uncomfortable that makes you, you have a methodical way of stepping up of creating that at energy in yourself to go from under confident, to confident to action. Cause boldness is confidence in action. Confidence is how you feel boldness is what you do. And you want to be able to not stack up regrets in life, not miss opportunities. It's not about being a show off or an attention or something like that. It's about having bringing your full self out when it matters most.

Sara Nay (03:13): And it sounds like when you talk through that, it's not just getting up on stage and doing these big presentations like that might be part of it, but it also is in one-on-one interactions as well.

Fred Joyal (03:23): Yes, it could be, uh, a successful person that you really wanna meet or, or a per an actor or musician or performer that you really admire. And you want to go have a normal interaction with them. You don't want to be like a drooling fan that they can't wait for you to get away from that. It's not about running up and taking selfies with people. That's pretending, you know, the person that's what a selfie with star somebody famous is. I mean, I've met really successful people and had really wonderful interactions with them, cuz I know how to talk to them like a normal person. And I am willing to walk over and, and talk to them. It doesn't matter if they're a billionaire or an extremely successful actor or it's in my case, sometimes it's a woman I'd really like to meet. I, I know how to do all of that stuff. And sometimes when you're networking, your ability to meet anyone you want is a cornerstone of success in life and the, an ability to express your ideas clearly and comfortably in an energized and relaxed way is a life skill that almost everybody in business needs. Certainly your listeners.

Sara Nay (04:32): Yeah, absolutely. And I understand you didn't always have this boldness to yourself.

Fred Joyal (04:36): No, I had kind of the opposite. Yeah.

Sara Nay (04:37): Yeah. You were shy back in the past from my understanding. And you've been basically based on your book have developed a system that worked for you that you're educating others on. Would you mind diving into that system and how you uncovered it over the years?

Fred Joyal (04:51): Yeah, so I was a very shy and under confident person growing up and I was stacking up the missed opportunities in regress. So the point it was really frustrating me and really making me angry. And I was watching bold people and wondering why are they like this? You know, like why doesn't rejection affect them the way it affects me? Why are they not fear failure? Why do they act like they belong wherever they go? And I started to emulate them because I realized I, I had to do something different. I had to change. I was, you know, frustrated enough with my lack of progress. So I, I said, I just have to figure out how to be uncomfortable and deal with it. And it took me decades to really change, but I could walk outta stage with 5,000 people. And it's not only a problem.

Fred Joyal (05:36): I can't wait to get out there and I can literally meet anybody I want in any situation, but it took a long time, but I looked at how I did it and what I, and, and then I created, um, um, this, this system, this methodical way that you can apply in any situation and it's, uh, preparation, relaxing insights, controlling the dosage, you have the experience and then working on your boldness every day. So you prepare what you say. You use techniques to relax yourself. A lot of people have no idea how to just relax themselves. And, and it's really easy. And I talk about it in detail in the book, there's some key insights that you need to have. One that people are not thinking about you anywhere near as much as you think they are. They're thinking about themselves. So bold people don't worry about other people's opinion.

Fred Joyal (06:26): They worry about what, what they're trying to achieve, what they're trying to ACU, uh, communicate who they're trying to meet. That's and, and they are never the ones stop themselves. When you realize how often it's you stopping you in situations. That's when you know you want to change, cuz you say there was nobody stopping me and nothing bad would've happened except in my head. And even when something that other people call bad happens, that you, you would call embarrassing, you roll with it. And, and people are just like, wow. She was amazing. I, my favorite story is a friend of mine. She's doing a lecture thousand people. She's on stage. And in about 10 minutes in, she breaks the heel off her shoe. Now to most women's, this is a horrifying moment where you, you gotta find a way to get off stage. Somehow she kicks her shoes off and says, I guess I need to start spending more than $30 on shoes.

Fred Joyal (07:27): and the whole audience just laughs out of like nervous. Laughter because they're so embarrassed for her. And then she's not embarrassed now. Now they love her. She owns them because they, she has moved to their level. They except that she has reacted differently. She has said embarrassment is a choice and I choose not to be embarrassed. And so they're drawn to her at that point. And that's what you can summon. When you realize all of these, all of your reactions are choices and you can control them. You can decide how to label them. So it's a big shift. And the, the dosage part of the method, it's called the pride method, cuz it's an acronym. P R I D E. But the dosage is as you build your boldness muscle, you do it gradually. But my book is full of exercises that are step by step starting.

Fred Joyal (08:26): Non-verbally up to some really crazy stuff that you do over time, expanding your comfort zone. So you're always moving into your discomfort zone until it's comfortable in your while. It's really easy to talk. Just strangers. I need to try something a little crazier. And it happens as when you work on it every day. That's what changes because you, you don't have to decide to do it. You're building just like when you would exercise what you do every day, your brain and your body react to as who you are and it adapts to it. And it becomes your default mode.

Sara Nay (09:02): My husband always jokes with me and says the only things you can control our attitude and effort . So that sounds a lot about what you're talking

Fred Joyal (09:09): About. There it's it, those are hard things to learn because it's not program, it's not natural to do that stuff. Every most of our stuff is an emotional reaction to something based on prior program and how we reacted it to it. There's some little kids that are just so open and bold and they, they say hi to they'll walk down the aisle of a plane and say hi to everybody. I know. And then other kids are hiding behind the leg of their mom. Yeah. So however that is whether that's normal or not. What happens with the bold kid who's waving to everybody is she's getting a constant feedback loop of positivity, cuz people are waving back. So she's on a pathway. Whereas I would was getting, I was always in my discomfort zone too deeply and it was traumatic for me. So I became more and more back in my shell over and over again, till I said, I've gotta, I've gotta take the pain.

Fred Joyal (10:07): I've gotta get uncomfortable deal with it. And then started to create that positive feedback loop for every bold action I ever took, yielded something positive and sometimes incredibly unexpected and wonderful. So that it's that shift that you want. You have to consciously make yourself from wherever you are. You could be pretty con I, I have tons of people who say I'm really confident most of the time, except when it really matters. like, yeah, like when I have to close a deal or I have to ask somebody out or if I, I wanna meet that person that I really admire, I, they start the unworthiness tape. I don't deserve to talk to, I'm not worthy of, of a conversation with them. Bold people don't tell themselves that.

Sara Nay (10:55): And so you mentioned a minute ago about steps, starting with a simple kind of non-verbal ones and building from there. Do you mind sharing any of those steps that someone might take if they're interested in starting the process of becoming more bold?

Fred Joyal (11:07): Yeah, no. Wherever you are at, I it starts non-verbally my exercises. The first thing is just smile at everybody. You meet for a day and, and then start to do it every day. But with the intention of finding that person, who's not gonna smile back and, and then don't take it on. Don't say, oh, it must be something wrong with me. I look funny or I'm not appealing to them or whatever. Just realize it's got nothing to do with you. It's they, this could be the worst day of their life or they could have bad teeth. What? You don't know what the heck is, why they're not smiling back. But nine times outta 10 people are gonna smile back and you say, wow, this is people are just, they just smile back. And so just start there, the next step to go verbal, just talk to a stranger every day.

Fred Joyal (12:03): And it could be one sentence. It could be high if that's more than nothing is the most you can handle. But I, I, I do it still. I, if I'm in Starbucks, I talk to the person in front of 'em in front of me and it could just be a compliment. Could compliment a comment about the day. It's always something positive. I, I, I talk to people in elevators. I make a habit of it because nobody talks in elevators. It's this weird thing. Like we're supposed to be completely silent, but, and it's a great place to talk to people because everybody wants to talk. Uh, so if you start to develop that you say, wow, that's pretty easy to just have a very simple conversation. Especially if you just say you prepare, what am I gonna say? Oh, I'm gonna, I'm going compliment their handbag or glasses or their hairstyle or whatever.

Fred Joyal (12:58): My, my thing is I compliment the thing that I think is weirdest that I have a judgment about cuz we have judgments about everybody and we're wrong all the time. So when I see something that, that I'm having a judgment about that, that, that shirt's really weird. That's a really loud shirt. I will find a way to compliment person and it shifts me and my opinion of them in the process of doing it. But, and they cuz they always react like, oh thank you so much. I felt like getting a little crazy today. So I wore this shirt or whatever, or my daughter did her hair purple. So I'm competing with her and I did a purple streak in my hair and I feel pretty good about, but it makes me nervous sometimes. So thanks for telling me whatever that is. You're walking around sprinkling.

Fred Joyal (13:41): This fairy dust on people is, is almost what it's like because you have you're and this is the O other thing about the exercise. You have no agenda. You have no ulterior motive except to make that person feel good about the, when you start doing that every day you are on the path, you are starting to build that feedback loop that will make you bolder and bolder. Now my book lays it out. So if you are religious about doing it in 90 days, you will be radically different. Then you started and you'll have a method to apply. Whenever a situation comes up and you're not confident and you go, ah, listen to my voice. I'm not gonna acknowledge. I, I, I can hear it, but I'm, I'm gonna say that's fine, but I'm gonna act anyway. Yeah. And you want to be able to do that and summon it when it matters and you will develop that life skill. So you and you'll get are in Boulder, your whole life. I still am. I'm I'm still stretching my, uh, comfort zone, but that's how you start.

Sara Nay (14:45): Yeah. I love it. And I love that simple example of talking to strangers and complimenting them because you're not, you're obviously working on yourself in that scenario, but you're helping other people feel good about themselves as well. So it's ultimately a win-win right there. Thank you so much, Fred, for sharing your insights. Definitely PED my interest, having to grab a copy of your book. Um, but if anyone listening today wants to find you online, where can they find you?

Fred Joyal (15:05): So my website is Fred joy.com. That's J O Y a L and it's no dots or dashes or anything. The book is available on Amazon. Um, super bold, one word. Don't forget. It's not about the football thing. It's super bold. And the, the subtitle is from under confident to charismatic in 90 days. So that's how you'd find it's it's on audible, on Kindle and hard cover. And I'm also doing a two day workshop. If you really wanna put yourself through stuff, you can look at my website and find out about the website that I'm doing I in late June this year. Awesome.

Sara Nay (15:42): Awesome. Thanks so much for sharing Fred and thank you all for listening to agency spark podcast. This is your host, Sarah NA, we see you next.